College Theology

This page last updated: 10/15/2006 03:58 PM

Brain Drain | Row Your Boat | Graduate Response

After a philosophy lecture a particularly difficult student stood up and declared, "Professor Greenberg, you have destroyed everything I believe in, but you have given me nothing to take its place."

"Young man," the professor responded, "you will recall that as one of the labors of Hercules, he was required to clean out the Augean stables. He was not, let me point out, required to refill them."

Brain Drain

A college student was in a philosophy class, which had a discussion about God's existence. The professor had the following logic:

"Has anyone in this class heard God?" Nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class seen God?"
When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated,
"Then there is no God."

One student did not like the sound of this at all, and asked for permission to speak.  The professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:

"Has anyone in this class heard our professor's brain?" Silence.
"Has anyone in this class touched our professor's brain?" Absolute silence.
"Has anyone in this class seen our professor's brain?" When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded,

"Then, according to our professor's logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!"

Row Your Boat

Yeshiva University decided to field a crew team.  Unfortunately, they lost race after race.  They practiced for hours every day, but never managed to come in any better than dead last.

The chief rabbi finally decided to send Yankel to spy on the Harvard team.  So Yankel schlepped off to Cambridge and hid in the bulrushes off the Charles River, from where he carefully watched the Harvard team as they practiced.

Yankel finally returned to Yeshiva.  "I have figured out their secret," he announced.  "They have eight guys rowing and only one guy shouting."

Graduate Response

David, a Jewish Balloonist, is flying in his hot air balloon as he realizes he is lost. So David reduces his balloon height. He spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says, "Yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Jewish Information Technology," David responds.

"I do," replies the man.  My name is Solomon. I'm the head of that department. "How did you know?"

"Well," says David, "Everything you said is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

Then Solomon says, "you must work in Jewish Business Technology."

"I do," replies David, I'm the head of Jewish Business technology. "but how did you know?"

"Well," says Solomon, "you don't know where you are, or where you're
going, but you expect me to be able to help you. You're in the same
position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

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