Make You Think
This page last updated:
10/15/2006 03:58 PM
What God Looks Like | Rich
Man and His Possessions
Lost and Found
Funny
how a $100.00 looks so big when you take it to church,
but so small when you take it to the mall.
Funny
how long it takes to serve God for an hour,
but how quickly a team plays 60 minutes of basketball.
Funny
how long a couple of hours spent at church are,
but how short they are when watching a movie.
Funny
how we can't think of anything to say when we pray,
but don't have difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend.
Funny
how we get thrilled when a baseball game goes into extra innings,
but we complain when a sermon is longer than the regular time.
Funny
how hard it is to read a chapter in the Bible,
but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a best selling novel.
Funny
how people want to get a front seat at any game or concert,
but scramble to get a back seat at church services.
Funny
how we need 2 or 3 weeks advance notice to fit a church event into our
schedule,
but can adjust our schedule at the last moment for other events.
Funny
how hard it is for people to learn a simple gospel well enough to tell
others,
but how simple it is for the same people to understand and repeat
gossip.
Funny
how we believe what the newspaper says,
but question what the Bible says.
Funny
how everyone wants to go to heaven
provided they do not have to believe, or think, or say, or do anything.
Funny
how you can send a thousand "jokes" through e-mail and they
spread like wildfire,
but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think
twice about sharing.
FUNNY, ISN'T IT?
[back to top]
The
2000 member church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday
morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men,
dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the
church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the
other stayed at the back of the church. Then they both reached under
their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle
announced, "EVERYONE WILLING TO TAKE A BULLET FOR JESUS STAY IN
YOUR SEAT!"
Naturally,
the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door,
followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After
a few moments, there were about 20 people left sitting in the church.
The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The
men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All
right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the
service."
[back to top]
A
kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's artwork. As she came to one little girl who was working
diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The
girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The
teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks
like."
Without
missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl
replied,. . . . "They will in a minute."
[back to top]
There
once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he
had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it
with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take
some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him.
"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man
implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.
The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him.
The
angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to
take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest
suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.
Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet
St. Peter.
St.
Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in
here!" But the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and
asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter
checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one
carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it
through."
St.
Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found
too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought
pavement?!!!"
[back to top]
Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed
arbiter of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several
members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to
maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused
George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup
truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She commented to George and others that
everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of
few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't
explain, defend, or deny, he said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Sarah's
house..........and left it there all night. [back to top]
A poor Jew finds a wallet with seven
hundred dollars. At his shul (synagogue or Sabbath service) he reads a notice stating
that a wealthy Jew has lost his wallet and is offering a fifty dollar
reward to anyone who returns it. Quickly he locates the owner giving him
the wallet.
The rich man counts the money and says, "I
see you have already taken your reward."
The poor man responds, "What are you
talking about?"
The wealthy Jew continues, "This wallet
had seven hundred and fifty dollars in it when I lost it."
The two men begin arguing, and eventually
they come before the community rabbi.
Both men present their case. The poor man
first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying, "Rabbi, I trust you
believe me."
The rabbi says, "Of course." The rich man
smiles, and the poor man is devastated. Then the rabbi take the wallet
out of the wealthy man's hands and gives it to the poor man who found
it.
"What are you doing?!" the rich man yells
angrily.
The rabbi responds, "You are, of course,
an honest man, and if you say that you're missing wallet had seven
hundred and fifty dollars in it, I'm sure it did. But if the man who
found this wallet is a liar and a thief, he wouldn't have returned it at
all. Which means that this wallet must belong to somebody else. If that
man steps forward, he'll get the money. Otherwise, it stays with the man
who found it."
"What about my money?" the rich man asks.
"Well, we'll just have to wait until
somebody finds a wallet with seven hundred fifty dollars in it!"
[back to top]
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